you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
