honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
