i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
