It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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