Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
