I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
