if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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