the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
