PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
