Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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