eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
