He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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