I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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