Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
