I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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