White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
