I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
