Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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