chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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