My sheets look like a crime scene.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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