You really coming over, don't trick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
