He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
