if you like me you must not know who I am
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
