Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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