I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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