She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
