Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
