can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
