it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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