but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
