I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
