I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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