i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
