I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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