why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
