I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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