I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
