i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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