honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
