Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
