Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
