Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
