what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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