I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
