I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
