haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
