i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
