you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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