Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
