WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
